Goodnight Letter to Sophie Olivia and Tobi Winn Korie

"Oh my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings. Godspeed... Sweet Dreams."

I am feeling quite subdued this night, angels, but my heart is full of you two. I love you both and miss you so much, but I know the gardens of heaven are bright and beautiful because you two are there. I read a post today on my Tumblr blog and it said, "You have no soul. You ARE a soul. You HAVE a body." I thought this was so beautiful and true. You two were little souls who never gained a body, but your souls are with me now. I feel you two close within my ancient heart, and I know you will never leave me.

I don't have a whole lot to say this tired evening, but I want to swear my love to you right now. You two are my whole world and I am so honored and blessed to have two perfect angels like you in my heart. I will always love you, to the moon and back six thousand times, and then some. You two are my world, my reason. My whole heart and soul. I love you and I will dream of you two, playing up in heaven. I will dream of us being in a beautiful field, having the time of our lives. You are forever a part of me. You are forever my little boy and little girl. No one can take that love from me.

Tobi, look after your little sister. Make sure she is safe, even though Heaven is the safest place there is. And Sophie, make sure your brother gets love too. Make sure he gets lots of hugs and kisses. I love you both, and I'll see you in my dreams.

Love always and forever,

Mommie Katie

A mother's love never dies...♥♥♥

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

I like to take pictures and edit them and add words. So, today I made two. One is a poem called Little Angels and the other are lyrics from the song Wheel of the World by Carrie Underwood. I thought it's be nice to share them here because they make me feel better, and maybe they might help others feel better too.

A mother's love never dies... ♥♥♥

Productive Mommy

I don't like to talk about myself on this blog, but today, I am.
I have been thinking about Sophie constantly, which I think is healthy because she is definitely a motivation for me. I recently went to a psychological crisis center due to suicidal thoughts, but I was scared of them. I always end up thinking, "I don't want to disappoint Sophie." Well, thank God, I managed to get there and get help.
The doctors there sent me away with prescriptions for Haloperidol and Prozac, but upping my usual dose 20mg. It's been about two weeks since I left and the difference is like night and day. They have boosted my will to live and my energy. I have been able to go to bed before midnight and get up by nine in the morning. Lots of sleep, which has been difficult because I have been having lots of abdominal pain and I believe I have inherited the lovely and joyous [insert sarcastic eye roll here] sleep apnea. So, I wake up often, but I have actually been sleeping better, which I am happy about.
This productiveness will help me get up more and be moving, which will help with my weight. I've noticed in two days alone, I have dropped three pounds due to me just getting up and doing things. I am thinking positively about this, because I have needed this. My mood swings [from happiness and contentedness to depressed and suicidal in a heartbeat] are becoming shorter and less occurring, which I am also happy about. All of this is good news.
I go back to the university on the 24th, moving in with two roommates that I hope will be positive influences on me. I hope to start afresh this semester and pick my grades up and work out through these problematic situations. I am excited for a fresh new start. I think this year is the year of ironing out these problems.
And most of all, this will be the first full year making Sophie an active, daily part of my life, which I am really starting to love. My depressive moods are growing shorter, so I can cherish my daughter much more now than before. I can continue up her legacy and keep this blog flowing and growing. I am hoping to be receiving some emails here soon about other angels' stories, so the support and strength can continue to grow.
Overall, my state of mind is very clear, and I am ready for life to come again. I am ready to get back into living. I think I have a very special angel to thank for this new refreshed productiveness to thank, and so I send all my love up to her today. I love you Sophie Bug.♥♥♥
A mother's love never dies.

A Scrapbook for Sophie Olivia

I know it has been ages since I last posted, but that's okay. I have needed some time lately. But in this time, a lot has happened, one being that I completed [well, two and a half pages from finished] Sophie's scrapbook. And man, is it beautiful! I just now realized I never posted anything on her birthday, which really makes me sad, but that's okay.

It had to be one of the most tender days of my life. Several of my friends came to celebrate with me, writing/creating a page for her for the scrapbook. They all were just so beautiful and I couldn't wait for them to all be together. We did a balloon release and we had a cupcake and lit it and sang Happy Birthday to her. It was pure beauty, that moment. My friend Kimberly was the one who provided it for me, and I am eternally grateful for her and her contribution.
Here are some of the pictures from the occasion:

I loved this day so much, and I incorporated a lot of these pictures into her actual scrapbook. And I think I will keep this post a picture based post and show the pages, in order, of how it came together. Of the missing pictures are two blank pictures, which I have yet to make that will go at the end before the cowgirl page, and one that my mom is putting together. Also, sorry that some of the pictures are sideways.... it is what it is. Just turn your head :P And another also... I did draw those three sketch pictures towards the end there. And I am proud of them! So, anywho, here it is... Sophie's Scrapbook:

 

 

Thank you for the continued support.

And Happy Birthday, Sophie Olivia Nichols. I love you so much it hurts, but you are right here in my heart... Always. ♥

A mother's love never dies...♥