A Really Hard Angel Mommy Day- Sophie Olivia

I am having a hard angel mommy day today... I think it started when I got an anonymous message telling me I was basically lying about Sophie. I mean, my heart was already broken,  but that just hit me where it hurt... And so I have been fighting grief all day today. Trying SO hard to be happy, to feel better... But that isn't working. I just miss my daughter SO much. So what have I done? I have made pictures... And wrote letters to my little girl....:

 I miss you so much, Sophie. Not a day goes by where my heart doesn’t break from the grief I feel from not having you here. But I love you so SO much, baby. Mommy loves you forever and always. You’re my world and I am so proud to be your mom. These lyrics are perfect… Because I know everything will be alright someday, but right now, I’m barely surviving. And I know that makes you so sad. I am just so overwhelmed without you here… If only I could see you… See you smiling up at me like I know you would… Everything would be okay. I would do anything in the world for that, Sophie. And every single night, I dream about you. I get lost in those great big beautiful eyes of yours… Oh, they’re so beautiful… And for those few moments, everything is alright… I love you, Sophie. I love you so much...

  

 I am not complete without you, sweetheart. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, nothing takes away the pain of living a moment without you. Nothing is worse than loosing you. I’ve lost you, and there is nothing in the whole wide world that could ever replace you or fill the void in my heart that is the place where I try so hard to hold you. I cry and cry, but nothing helps. I just miss you. But someday, I know I’ll finally greet you. I’ll finally see you. I’ll finally hold you. I’ll finally tell you “I love you” in person. I’ll finally get to see my beautiful baby. But until then, I just have to hold on to you in my heart. I can’t do anything but live as  best I can and try to make you proud. I know you want Mommy to be happy and to stop crying and to know that it’ll be okay… I just miss you. And someday, I’ll be able to smile and mean it: The day I finally have my baby with me. I cannot wait for that day. I cannot wait until the day that we are reunited and everything will be okay. But for now, I have a guardian angel… A sweet little girl who is mine. And I promise to do my best to make you proud. I promise. <3

Someday, I'll feel better. Maybe. I just hope, at the very least, I can go back to being able to smile again. A broken heart is just impossible... Settling for stolen moments in dreams where I can see her face will have to do. Because it's going to be a long time before I get to see her for real. But I cannot wait for that day... The day where everything will be perfect. <3
A mother's love never dies.