Such a hard angel mommy day...
Lately I've been having this urge to draw babies and baby things and look at baby things,I dont know why but today when my boyfriend came over(Aerons dad) I lost it. Because of our age we have to wait at least 6 more years to TTC. I hate it. And we started talking about it,And how big my belly would have been and how in 10 weeks we would have had a newborn with us. But then I completely realized thats not happening,I broke down..I just started crying out his name. And I started crying about having to wait at least that long,But then he said it would be longer than that because we HAVE to be married first in his mind. I really hate that. I want a baby first before anything...And then we started talking about the day that we lost our baby,I hurt so bad and there was so many things I had never said to him. He put everyone before me and our baby,He didn't even think about our baby. I was just so hurt I screamed at him I let all of my negative feelings about him.I feels so awful for what I said..I hated him that day,because just a few minutes before my miscarriage started he said that I should get an abortion,because me and him are so,so young. I was so upset at him. I feel so awful about the things I said,But then yet I feel better..
I've just been having such a hard time lately...Gosh I wish my baby was still here with me..He would have been so loved by everyone..Ive attached one of the art pieces I did for my son..Please add that I am willing to do any special art for fellow angel mom's. (:
Lately I've been having this urge to draw babies and baby things and look at baby things,I dont know why but today when my boyfriend came over(Aerons dad) I lost it. Because of our age we have to wait at least 6 more years to TTC. I hate it. And we started talking about it,And how big my belly would have been and how in 10 weeks we would have had a newborn with us. But then I completely realized thats not happening,I broke down..I just started crying out his name. And I started crying about having to wait at least that long,But then he said it would be longer than that because we HAVE to be married first in his mind. I really hate that. I want a baby first before anything...And then we started talking about the day that we lost our baby,I hurt so bad and there was so many things I had never said to him. He put everyone before me and our baby,He didn't even think about our baby. I was just so hurt I screamed at him I let all of my negative feelings about him.I feels so awful for what I said..I hated him that day,because just a few minutes before my miscarriage started he said that I should get an abortion,because me and him are so,so young. I was so upset at him. I feel so awful about the things I said,But then yet I feel better..
I've just been having such a hard time lately...Gosh I wish my baby was still here with me..He would have been so loved by everyone..Ive attached one of the art pieces I did for my son..Please add that I am willing to do any special art for fellow angel mom's. (:
To Aeron's Angel Mom- There are going to be days where it just seems impossible. Today was my day too. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I wish there was something I could say that would make it all go away, but there isn't. It's impossible to be happy and whole after losing an angel. Just know that sweet little Aeron is still with you. You hold him in your heart and he is so close to you always. He loves you so much and he is looking out for you. It's going to be hard, but just keep remembering your son. The best I can do on days when I really am missing Sophie is just do the best to do everything for her as if she were really here with me. I'd try and be happy and do things that would make her happy and proud of me. Sometimes, that's the best we can do. Thank you for fighting on. <3
A mother's love never dies.
A mother's love never dies.
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